Sunday, January 11, 2015

Dibs

It’s winter in Chicago again. There’s snow on the ground, and more coming soon. We all know what that means: it’s time for the “dibs” talk.

Last year, we reminded you that, per the "unwritten" rules (that have actually been written many times), dibs is supposed to be a reward for the hard work you have done to actually shovel the snow out of the parking space. If you don't do any shoveling, you don't really have dibs.

Here are a few more helpful tips:

Don't claim dibs using cardboard, paper, or other water soluble trash. 
If you do, your claim will be voided the instant the temperature tops 32 degrees (less on the sunny side of the street). 

Don't claim dibs using campaign signs for a candidate you oppose that you have stolen from your neighbors or local businesses. 
Both claiming dibs and stealing campaign signs are unneighborly activities, both are technically illegal but see little enforcement, and both are considered by a few die hards as longstanding traditions that are the birthright of every true Chicagoan. But that doesn't mean you should mix and match. 

Do feed the meter if you claim dibs on a metered parking space.
Did you know that the City of Chicago has to pay the parking meter company for metered spaces that are taken out of service for any amount of time? That technically includes when you claim dibs, as the space is effectively out of service for other motorists to use (and pay for). Do you think the parking meter folks wouldn't stoop so low as to bill taxpayers for your dibs?  Have you met those guys?  Their entire business model is based around screwing over Chicago taxpayers.  So don't be unneighborly-times-two, and feed the meter for your dibs spot while you are gone.

Lastly, if you really mean business on your dibs, just hire this guy: